50 is a big number. I can't believe its been so long, and that we have been sustained by God's grace, every day for 50 consecutive days, all of which are most probably harder than all the other approximately 11 190 of my life. I think its a good day to mention reasons to be thankful. Besides the fact that Tabitha and I are alive, here they are.
1. I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband who loves and supports me and Tabitha, and who said yesterday that he will keep on loving me no matter what. ;)
2. I am thankful that I can be a mother. I know that some people want to be but struggle to find a husband or struggle to become pregnant.
3. I am thankful that we have good medical hospital cover, because Tabitha's hospital bill is probably worth more than our house by now!
4. I am thankful that we stay so close to the hospital – 2km to be exact. It means I can quickly go home to express and eat in between hospital visits, and it means we don't waste precious time in traffic each day.
5. I am thankful that we have such a good hospital so close to our home. Some other parents drive 140km from Witbank each day, others have to lodge at the hospital or close by.
6. That my body was and still is able to produce breast milk, despite
the stressful circumstances. I'm just not sure when Tabitha is going to
drink it all.
7. That I don't struggle with post pregnancy weight! Then again I had Tabitha right after people started noticing that I was pregnant!
8. I am thankful that we have great support, not only from our families, but also from amazing friends, and even contacts that have become friends.
9. For every day that Tabitha's life is spared.
10. That we have peace in Jesus Christ, otherwise we would probably also be in hospital or on sedatives by now.
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| I just had a poo and my daddy cleaned my bum! |
Tabitha's blood results don't look great at all. Despite the platelets she received yesterday, her platelets are still only 33 today. That means that she must be quite ill. For the medically skilled – her CRP is up to 38, her potassium is low, her Hemoglobin is 8.8. Another bacterial count that was within the desired <0.5 range all along is 1.8 today. Basically all you need to know is that she is quite ill, but despite that, the doctors are surprised to find her physically looking rather healthy (referring to her colour and general well being). I think it must mean that she is very strong, but we already know that!
Her head circumference seems to be coming down slightly. We're not sure why, but the neurosurgeon explains that the build up of fluid is not necessarily at a constant rate, things can stabilise and cause the head to decrease or stay the same. We'll see what happens.
She had some sonars done on the head and abdomen to see if there is an abscess source somewhere responsible for the fungi in her blood, and they found none. That means the fungi infection was caused by something outside the body. That is good news because if there was an abscess somewhere, they would have to remove it. So she'll just have to stay on the antibiotics until the fungi is killed.
She had a blood transfusion today and also received more platelets. Her feeds are up to 6ml/h. She gets bradys (sudden drops in her heart rate) and desaturations (dropping O2 levels below 85) quite often. Doctors say its related to her brain function.
We really need a miracle. We pray for a miracle. We hope for a miracle. But we trust God, although its not easy.
To sacrifice for God is easier than to obey God. To obey God is easier than to trust God, because sacrifice is in our control, obedience makes sense, but trust is a different issue altogether. It is about giving over and not being in control. It is not only saying we believe in God but saying we believe God knows better than we do. Faith is easy. Trust is hard.
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