7 August 2011

If you're still wondering how and why Tabitha was born so early, this is the spiel. 

My pregnancy has been a breeze up to the first week of August. I thought I was having the best time of my life, loving every moment of being a soon-to-be-mommy. The first trimester went by with some fatigue and nausea but eating constantly worked, at least for the latter. My tummy only started really bulging around 16 weeks or so, and it was winter so people hardly noticed that I was pregnant until about 22 weeks. I only bought my first pair of maternity pants approaching 24 weeks.  I started feeling the kicking around 17 weeks and every doctors visit went well and everything seemed normal and perfect. I exercised regularly, swimming once a week and doing some mild cardio and pilates.

I work from home and had everything planned – my clients knew that I was due mid October and I was more or less fully booked with work until end of September. We were looking forward to go and visit my parents on the 8th of August by the coast (between Mosselbay and George) for a quick final getaway before baby is due. Yes sure! Planning is good but don't count on it! :)

The discomfort started that first week in August. My feet started swelling up. It wasn't painful or anything, it just looked ugly and my shoes was a bit tight. People and Google said I should put my feet up – its just water retention and it is one of those unfortunate inconveniences a woman has to endure in order to bring a child into the world. And it only happens to some people, but it is quite common. But putting up my feet didn't help much. I spoke to my midwife and she wasn't too worried because I didn't have blurred vision, nausea or headaches. She said it will probably just get worse towards the end so I should get used to it, there's not much you can do about it. Great, I thought. I'll have to get bigger shoes and get used to shankles and a puffy face. But everyone said that the third trimester is the most uncomfortable so I thought I should stop complaining, so many other women have gone before me and survived it. 

That Saturday we still went to Decorex in the morning. I wore ankle boots because my ankles made my legs look like tree trunks. We had our 4D scan appointment in the afternoon. On the ultrasound everything seemed perfect, as usual. Tabitha had her hand in front of her face most of the time so we couldn't get a full view. She was 1.3kg and we were as excited as ever. She looked so cute on the 4D pictures. In the evening we went to have dinner at friends – Cassie, Ruth and their daughter Zanelia. Other friends from Bloem, Leonard and Ilse with their girls Izy and Chloe-Lee were also there for the weekend and we had a lovely time. I told them about my 3rd trimester discomfort and Ilse also had water retention with both her pregnancies so she could relate. Later the evening Wessel noticed that my feet looked even worse. I felt absolutely fine and didn't even realise. Ilse, a trained somatologist, immediately took off my shoes and there, in the middle of the conversation they made me put my feet up and she started to do 'lymph draining'. She was the one who advised me to go and test my blood pressure. Thank God for using her to accomplish His plan.

We left early to go and find a place to take my blood pressure at 9pm in the evening, and eventually ended up at Sunninghill Hospital, which is close to our home. I told the nurse I want to have my blood pressure taken. She asked why, and I said because my feet are swollen, to which she responded, 'Welcome to pregnancy!' One of the most difficult things for me in pregnancy is to know what is normal and what is not, because your body change all the time and everything is a new experience. You don't want to seem paranoid or whiny either. My blood pressure was alarmingly high and they admitted me immediately. The nurse phoned my gynae, who 'happened to be' on call for the weekend. He prescribed me some pills to try and get the blood pressure under control and they injected me with steroids for the baby's lungs, in case I would need to deliver early. I realised it was quite serious, but I thought they'll probably stabilise me and send me home again in a day or 2. I had a plans, like going on holiday among others! The nurse, however, said I'll stay in hospital until the baby is born. That could be another month or two I thought! But whatever has to happen has to happen, I was peaceful and decided to forget about the holiday and just take things as they come. 

My darling husband went home to pack my hospital bag and sorted out my hospital admission with the medical aid. You know you married a good husband if he can pack your toiletries without problems! The next morning my gynae came to see me and asked if I had any bleeding, which i didn't. He felt my tummy and listened to the baby's heartbeat on the monitor. As he left, my tummy started aching like crazy and I got nauseous. I thought it must be the hospital breakfast that I just had. I beeped for the nurse and told her how I felt. The doctor came back and took me down to his consulting rooms in a wheelchair (I was in that much pain) to see what's happening on the ultrasound. He could see that my placenta started rupturing. Wessel and I were both a bit shocked when he said the baby has to come out immediately, as it was safer for the baby to be outside the womb than inside at that moment. Wessel still asked if there was no way that we could try and delay the birth for another day to give the baby's lungs some more time to develop. The doctor said another day would be the difference between going home with or without the baby. In fact, Wessel could go home as a childless widower.

Within half and hour I was in the theatre, ready for surgery. Wessel didn't even have time to go and get the camera or video camera, but luckily he became the proud new owner of a Samsung Galaxy SII phone that week so he could take some good pictures and video, which I will not post, even if you pay me. My tummy swelled up and became hard like a basket ball, pretty scary. Everything happened so quickly and I could get a glimpse of what they were doing in the mirrored light above the table. I tried not to faint. When they took Tabitha out the moment was a bit too big for me and I started crying. She was so tiny and she didn't make a sound. I couldn't hold her because she was in a bad state due to a lack of oxygen (birth asphyxia). Some nurses and the pediatrician took her aside to resuscitate her. Nobody knows for exactly how long she has suffered before birth and what the effects would be. She was born at 12h24 with a weight of 1.3kgs. She was not even measured due to her critical state. For five hours they worked non-stop to try and get her blood pressure up. I tried to get another glimpse of her when they pushed her out of the theater but couldn't see anything. I was struggling myself to breathe properly and control my shaking after the shock of the operation.

I knew she was born very early and was very small but I did not realise at the time what the dangers were and how close to death she was that day. Neither did I realise how close to death I had been. The doctor said if I had not come to hospital that previous evening I could have died at home that morning. I had a condition called pregnancy induced hypertention or preeclampsia. It is caused by a certain hormone released during pregnancy that causes some women to suddenly have a spike in blood pressure. It is quite rare, only about 3% of women get it and it is not hereditary. Chances are also good that I will not get it again with a next pregnancy. I am so thankful to Ilse for advising me to get my blood pressure checked, but especially to the Lord who evidently had His hand of protection on us.

Wessel wanted to stay over on the chair next to my bed that evening. It was probably the most hectic day of his life (and mine) – he had been running around since the night before and was not only worried about our new daughter, but also about me because I was still struggling with high blood pressure. Luckily the nurse said he was not allowed to stay over so at least he could rest in a proper bed at home. In between all the action, he still managed to get Tabitha some prem nappies and other consumables, as well as a big bouquet of flowers for me.

I only saw Tabitha the next morning for the first time in the NICU ward after my catheter and drip was removed. Again, I could not believe how small she was. It was a bitter sweet moment. That was my own daughter lying there, fighting for her life with so many machines and pipes on her little body. I tried to come to terms with the fact that I was not pregnant anymore but that the baby that I have carried and dreamed about for months was now not inside but outside of my body, underweight and very sick.

Two days after birth, holding daddy's wedding ring in my hand.

The normally joyous occasion of having a baby, especially a first baby, was muted by the unexpected turn of events. I think Wessel and I, as well as our family and friends, were shocked more than what we were thrilled at the time. Like I said, planning is good, but ultimately we're not in control. A life lesson for us all.

Prov 16:9

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Pink is my favourite colour this season...

DAY 34 - quick update...

Tabitha is still doing very well. She opened her eyes for us and we both spent some time holding her again. She looks more and more beautiful each day. Her head circumference is 32.5cm today, and her breathing is great, using hardly any extra oxygen. One of my favourite things to do is to put my ear close to her nose and listen to her soft, gentle baby breaths – in...and out, and in...and out... She is so beautiful for her mommy and daddy. She is now holding in her 3 hourly feeds of 40mls comfortably.

Breast milk from a syringe is where I'm at.