My wishes for Christmas and 2012

What a wonderful privilege to have some time to forget about all mandatory things at the end of a year. Being self-employed, this is the only time of the year where I can go somewhere without being on-call with my laptop on standby all the time. I tell everyone that I am unavailable until the new year starts and then I can switch off, guilt-free. I traded my cellphone for a book and started pursuing new hobbies like photography (got a camera for my birthday!). I also enjoy running by the coast – the increased air pressure makes me feel much fitter!

And if I didn't spend enough time thinking during the year, this is where I can catch up!  I don't look at next year and think 'this is going to be the best year ever'. Who knows what God is planning for us? If this is a prosperous and successful year it will be wonderful, but I'm not counting on that as a 'goal' where it is not in my power.   One thing that I am counting on is that no matter what happens this year, I know that God's grace and mercy will be abundant, just like it has been this year. I can honestly look back and say that 2011 was a good year. Not good as in I got everything I hoped for. Not good as in there was no pain or suffering. Not good as in there were no days where I wished that things could have been different. But good as in that God is real to me, now more than ever. Good as in that we have grown, and our families have grown. Good as in that we can see how God makes all things work together for good to those who love him.

With the new year just around the corner, don't get swept away by feel-good statements. Try and think to yourself if what is said is true in real life. Try to find out what God says on the subject. I'm not trying to be a doomsday prophet, but holding on to lies and being disappointed by reality is more destructive than just believing the truth in the first place. Jesus himself said in Hebrews 4 that in this world we will have trouble. We can expect it! We can hope for a smooth-sailing year with only weddings and no funerals, only promotions and no retrenchments, only health and no sickness, but we are not living on some imaginary planet where these things only happen to other people. You can spend your whole life trying to apply the correct formula according to your worldview to avoid bad things from happening. Speaking positively, living organically, recycling, going to church, giving away all your money, swearing less, whatever your thing is – nothing will buy you a life without difficulties!  You are mere human, just like everybody else.

The test of our faith is not figuring out how to avoid pain or to get God to smoothen out our path so that we will not experience any bumps in the road. The test of our faith is in holding on to Jesus, no matter what. He is the author and finisher of our faith. When things are unstable, He is our rock that never changes. We believe in Him not because of what He can do for us, but because of who He is and what He has done. Our immediate circumstances should not be a test for Jesus. Its a test for us!

Off course He can do all things. But wouldn't that be too easy? Everybody would run to Him to get what they want, rather than getting to KNOW HIM. I can honestly say that during the many prosperous years of my life I have not made much effort to really get to know Jesus. This is an obvious answer to the question of 'WHY?'. Stop Why-ning. Take up your cross and follow Jesus. He wants us to follow Him, not use Him. 

Jesus was sentenced to crucifixion by the religious leaders because he 'blasphemously' 'claimed' to be God. If He lied, what a stupid thing it would be to do. If only He said that he wasn't God he could have spared himself much suffering and death. But He can't lie. So he got killed in the most brutal and humiliating way imaginable. And then He proved to the world that He really is God. Not by showing off flashy horses (he walked or rode on donkeys), ordering many servants around and sporting bling jewellery and clothes. But by rising from the dead. Does He really still have to prove Himself to anybody?

Its two days before Christmas. My advice to all my friends would be to set aside everything you have been taught in respect to how you view God and how life works. Make it your mission this year to start new and get to know this God through what He has already told us about Himself in His Word. Read the Bible for yourself. If you think its too difficult get a study guide Bible with good commentary. But start somewhere. And I firmly believe that if you seek God with all your heart, you will find him. You don't need to know Greek or Hebrew. You just need a heart that seeks the truth.

And if you only read one scripture this Christmas, let it be this one:

Hebrews 4: 14
Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

My prayer for all for 2012 is that it will not necessarily be a year free of difficulties, but that we will find Jesus in our difficulties. He knows. He understands. And He promises an eternity where our joy will be full and pain will be no more. I pray that no difficulty will knock us down, or make us loose hope, but that we will persevere until the end, as a test of our faith. 

Ps. Don't forget to buy the 5 January edition of You/Huisgenoot! Tabitha's story is featuring.

Dear Tabitha

Dear Tabitha,

I think about you all the time. I know you must be doing very well. I had a party yesterday and wished you could also be here. Everybody thinks your room is beautiful. I borrowed it to some of your friends who needed their nappies changed! 

Time is going by fast. You would have been four months now already. For you four months must seem like 4 seconds. Or 4 years. I wonder if you are growing up at the rate that kids here on earth grow up, or if you are waiting for us to meet you again one day as a baby? Either way I don't mind. The important part is that we'll see each other again one day. I'll hold you against my heart like I held your second cousin (I think that's what she is to you!) last night, no matter how old you are. 

Do you have lots of friends? Do you think about us? Do you also have parties and eat too much ice cream? I sometimes think about that second last day before you left us. I was holding you but you were uncomfortable, getting lots of bradys and desaturations. One of the nurses said that you are not enjoying this. I thought to myself, no, offcourse not. None of your life has been very enjoyable at all, but being held by your mother is probably one of the few things that you do enjoy. After that day things quickly went downhill, but I treasure the special times we had together, even though some people think you didn't enjoy it – I know you did. 

Daddy and I still talk about you and wonder what you would have looked like now. I wonder how differently I would have spent my days if you were still here. I am so busy with work and other things, but I would have put everything else aside if you were still here. Nothing that seems important now would have mattered to me. I want time to stop so I can sit and think about every moment with you so that it doesn't become a far distant faded memory. Stop or hurry up, one of the two. My impatience to fill your nursery again with a brother or sister makes me wish that time would hurry up. But we have to trust that in Christ's perfect timing. He was first patient with us.

Do you realise how much your life has taught us, and the impact it has had on many people? For one thing, I learnt what faith really is. Its not holding on to a hope for something that you wish for or want (believe me, I still wish that things could have been different). Its not wishful thinking. Its not mind over matter. Its not refusing to acknowledge or verbalise the facts. Its also not verbalising the wish or repeating a magic phrase. It's the peace that we have that our Father knows best and that His Word is true and that He is sovereign and therefore no matter what happens, we are safe. Faith is not something we do that can make any difference to the outcome. Faith is how much we understand the Bible and accept it. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Some things the Bible predicted have come true already, so in that sense we have an advantage above people like Abraham, Moses and Noah who had faith without seeing what we see. Other things we read about, we know will happen, because we have faith. Our hope is in Jesus and not in any earthly wish, need or want.

Daddy says that your joy is infinitely abundant, that we can never comprehend it. Knowing this makes my heart joyful too. Things about God and the Bible that we are still trying to figure out you must already understand. That must be wonderful! Knowing Jesus is wonderful, and you know Him fully now. The greatest dreams any parent can have for their child has already been answered for us. Just know we are proud of you my darling. You are an incomprehensible gift.

With love,

Mommy and Daddy.