Day 38

Every day when I write the title for the post, I am shocked to see how long Tabitha has been in hospital. Or how old she is already! 38 days is a long time but she has come a long way and I am thankful that we are not where we used to be any longer. There is still a long road ahead but I know now that God has spared her life and that its for a reason. Even though we don't know what the future holds, we know that God is in control of it and that's enough. 

I was able to hold Tabitha for a few hours today. She was very calm on my chest again but she doesn't like to be moved, especially when you touch her head. They stopped her feeds during the night because she was not absorbing well. Before each feed they pull back whatever is left in the tummy via the feeding tube. If there is too much liquid there, they know she is not absorbing well. They started again at 11h00 this morning with only 15ml. She is on 20ml now and by 11pm tonight she will be on 25ml. They also had to give her something to get her tummy working again. It worked!

Wessel was feeling a bit 'queezy' tonight so he thought it best to not go and visit. Its good that he also takes it easy every now and again. Doing this routine for 38 days – going to the hospital every night, 7 days a week – can be very draining. So I went alone tonight, hoping I could pick her up again. But she had a 'brady' again just before I arrived so the nurse thought it best not to pick her up. So I just looked at her precious little face and put my hand on her little body and prayed for her. Her lashes started growing about a week ago. Before that there was nothing there. But they are turning out to be very long and pretty. So adorable.

She doesn't seem feverish again today, so I believe that whatever infection there could have been has been halted. They'll do a blood gas test again tomorrow morning and we're still waiting for culture growth tests from the lab to be finalised.

Let me tell you. The NICU is a tough place. We've met parents who's daughter only survived one night, she lay across from Tabitha. The little boy next to her has been there for over 70 days. He has had his ups and downs but is currently at a down. Last Monday they thought he's not gonna make it but he is still hanging in there. The boy next to him was diagnosed with blindness two days ago. He's also been there for over 50 days. And the list goes on. 

Bad things happen sometimes. Nobody is excluded from it while here on earth. They might think they are, but nobody is so good that they do not have to encounter hardship, in some way, somewhere along the road. The bad news is that God cannot be manipulated to do what we want him to do. The good news is that He does have our ultimate good in mind. His standard of what is good has eternity in mind. Our standard of what is good can be very shallow and shortsighted. And sometimes when God's plans for our lives do not correspond to our plans for our lives, we get stressed out. But we have to let go of our own plans in order to trust God and rest in His peace. 

I'd like to end with a quote from the book, 'Morning and Evening' by Charles Spurgeon (thanks Jen!)

Not one ship in the convoy shall suffer wreck; the great Commodore will steer every barque in safety to the desired haven. By faith we will slip our cable for another day’s cruise, and sail forth with Jesus into a sea of tribulation. Winds and waves will not spare us, but they all obey him; and, therefore, whatever squalls may occur without, faith shall feel a blessed calm within. He is ever in the centre of the weather-beaten company: let us rejoice in him. His vessel has reached the haven, and so shall ours.