40 DAYS

When we first became ICU parents, there was another baby there who've been there for 40 days. I hoped that we would not have to stay there that long, it sounded like a lifetime. And here we are now, 40 days later. 

I saw the doctor again first thing this morning. Tabitha seems to have delayed symptoms on what seems to be NEC (for definition see yesterday's post). What I mean is that the markers for infection only started showing on the blood tests today. Her platelet count also dropped quite significantly, indicating some sickness in the body. She had to get a platelet donation today (they give it as they would infuse blood, but the platelets have been separated from the blood so that it is just a concentrated platelet formula). The abdominal x-ray still shows thickening of the intestinal wall, suggesting stage 1 NEC. They treat NEC by not allowing anything to go into the tummy, and by giving antibiotics intravenously. Poor little bokolokkie will most definitely feel some sort of hunger, although the TPN intravenous liquid contains all the essential nutrients. But because it doesn't go into the tummy she'll feel hungry as she has gotten used to getting full from breast milk. 

We'll have to see what happens with the operation scheduled for Tuesday. The doctor said they'll first have to see if she tolerates feeds again before doing the op, and she's fasting until Monday. But then again I know she can't eat before the op either. Maybe they can just delay it for a few days, although the sooner the better. Her head is still increasing in size, 35cm in diameter today.

The Indian nurse asked me about the meaning of all the nicknames I give her. Afrikaans nicknames sound quite silly when you translate it into English. Bokkie - Buck. Skattebol - Darling bulb. Skapie - Sheep. Boklammetjie - Buck lamb. But I like to call her bokolokkie or ribbokkie. Her name does mean gazelle, so it kind of makes sense.

Remember I mentioned the xx-prem outfit that is too small for her? It turns out its not too small. Just when I thought I might have to reserve it for doll dress-ups in future, the nurse this morning put it on for her – and it is a perfect fit. I did not try to put it on myself before, but one of the other nurses said it looks too short for her. The sleeves are actually the right length and she doesn't get lost in it! She looked so cute! I also managed to get a quick picture of the pout she often does with her lips. As if!

It's hard to find clothes that fit, I'm just so petite.

Check my pout!

I was feeling a bit drained this afternoon. Maybe its because the 40 days thing with no end in sight can be demotivating. I was torn in two - go back to the hospital to make sure that I don't miss anything and be close to my baby, or try to regain strength by reading scripture and getting some sleep. I spoke to Wessel. He said he'll go visit after work and I should rest a bit, then we can both go back to see her in the evening. So that is what we did. 

For my own sake I'd like to type out some scriptures that gives me strength and peace to know that everything will be ok. We're not random dots on this earth, abandoned to be victims of random events that can potentially destroy us. Thank God. We were planned by God, each one of us, and He is our refuge in times of trouble. He never leaves us alone, especially not in the bad times. No detail of our lives slips His mind, or catches Him off guard. He is not the author of evil but He sometimes allows bad things to happen, but the end result is always for His glory and OUR GOOD. He lets ALL things work together for good to those who love Him. That is the truth according to His Word. If our minds can't figure it out, its inevitable. Who can try and understand their Creator? No man made machine would ever be more intelligent than its inventor. Its not even in the same sphere of intellect. Obviously!

He will not let your foot slip – He who watches over your will not slumber; 

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  (Ps 121:3-4)

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. (Prov 19:21)

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
      His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness;
      his mercies begin afresh each morning.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
      therefore, I will hope in him!"  (Eccl. 3:22-24)