Day 35

I know it may seem odd to some when I fuss about the little things, but everything that seems remotely normal is fascinating to me. It reminds me that she is alive. This morning she had the hiccups. The little sounds that come out are so cute. She opened her eyes and stared at me while I chatted away like she knows exactly what I'm on about. I changed her diaper. The nurse said we can start buying size number 1 nappies for her now. Pampers 2-5kgs. Technically she falls in that range now. Up to now she had to get special prem diapers. You can only find 2 brands that I know of here in South Africa, and don't think because they are smaller they are cheaper. They cost double the price of the most expensive Pampers on the market. Which reminds me of the special premature dummy we bought her at the hospital pharmacy. You have to get a special letter from the NICU to confirm that you do in fact have a premature baby, who will not choke on a dummy that size. Yes, for safety reasons they do not allow anybody to take those dummy's home, even if you paid for it. You may only use it in the NICU ward, on a premature baby, because it is a choking hazard for other babies. So are many objects in your home, I thought.

Back to my story...the number 1 nappies are very big for her. She doesn't have a bum yet, so you can basically roll up the part where her bum should be, after securing the nappy in place. She only started having poo's again yesterday. (Remember she was on a 50 hour fast this week). The nurse said that the poo is finally turning yellowy now, but this morning's was dark green again. You know, that colour that full term babies poo for the first day or two. She is still there. Ok she will probably not be thrilled with me for discussing her elimination of waste matter, but I promise to apologise later! As babies tend to do, she started pooing again after I just changed the nappy. She managed to soil 2 more nappies, even though I gave her time to finish! I told her its ok, she can waste as many nappies as she wants to, as long as her bowels function normally.

I got to spend some quality time with her again, kangaroo style, while she fed from the test tube. I gave her her premie dummy to suck while feeding, so that she can exercise those sucking muscles. One of these days we'll probably start her on the breast and bottle and then she must know what to do.

Grace and beauty. That is the meaning of Tabitha. By God's grace she is becoming more and more beautiful every day. Every day when I see her now she looks more healthy and more beautiful. She is still on the nasal cannulas but they stopped the intravenous liquids today, and she is not on any other continuous medication anymore, so she doesn't need so many drips in her body. She still gets a dose of caffeine in the mornings (premies generally get it to help with breathing) and a dose of Phenobarb at night (to control the seizures), but both are given orally now. There were times, in fact a week ago only, when she had 4 or 5 machines feeding her medication intravenously on a continuous basis, excluding other medication that were given once off daily or every 8 hours. I could not even keep up with all the names and what exactly they did. Wessel googled every single one off course, so if you want more information you can ask him about their date of release, the studies done on them by whom and what year, the success stories published and possible side effects. And any related youtube videos, obviously. How her little body coped I don't know. I'm just so happy that she doesn't need them anymore. It took a full time nurse to manage all her medication. I am happy to see lately that the dedicated nurse for Tabitha is now also utilised for other tasks around the ward. She does not need 24 hour constant 'critical care' nursing anymore.

After an hour or so of holding her on my chest, the machine started beeping often. Mild desaturation or a slow heartbeat. I didn't understand why so I asked the doctor on duty when I saw him later the afternoon. He explained that she becomes very relaxed when she is with me. She knows my heartbeat, smell and voice very well and knows that she is with her mommy. That relaxes her and takes her into a very deep sleep, which causes her heartbeat to slow down. So it is not bad at all. So she might be very relaxed but when the machines beep too much, I stress and put her back in her bed. But now I understand better and will know better next time.

After a nice Italian lunch with my parents we all went to hospital together again for granny and grandpa visiting hour. They were so delighted to see her again. She doesn't make my mom cry anymore like she did in the beginning when she looked so ill. They hoped to see her opening her eyes, but she played them and only opened the one, slightly, not bothered by my dad's bombarding. Grandparents are not really allowed to touch the babies, but I told my mom to touch her soft cheek and she also put her hand on Tabitha's little body to feel her breathing.

The results from the CAT scan of her abdomen showed that there is little fluids in her abdomen, and nothing much to worry about. The lab already tried to grow cultures without success so it is definitely not an infection. Another surgeon, who apparently often opens people's abdomens, said that he has often seen the white fluid they found in her abdomen and that it is nothing - some people have it. If he was doing the operation he would have continued regardless. But the neurosurgeon who operated on Tabitha has never seen anything like it in his 30 years of experience so he was cautious to continue with the shunt. Apparently the neurosurgeon wants to put in the shunt next Tuesday, the 20th, but this tummy expert surgeon will then also go with to theatre. I still pray, God willingly, that something happens so that she will not need to get the shunt. Please pray with us for a miracle!

Wessel also kangerood Tabitha with her 5pm feed. They look so cute together. She is lucky to have such a wonderful daddy, who has also been a pillar of strength to her mommy, especially during the last few weeks. 

I realised again today how much God must love us, His children, if we who are imperfect and selfish love our children so much. I believe parenting is a school that God uses to teach us a little bit about His character by giving us a glimpse of His love for us. How lucky we are to have a heavenly Father like Him! What is the worst thing that can happen if He, who is perfect in love, has His children's best interest at heart? Like a child is helpless without their parent's care, so we are hopeless without our heavenly Father.