Hope in tough times...

I don't know how to say this in an understandable way, but the gospel comes alive to me more and more by God's grace as we face trial upon trial. I don't know if anybody can relate. It's just that the saving power of the cross overshadows everything and anything that we, from an earthly human perspective, tend to make so much of. I think of my own situation and I feel sadness, frustration and pain. But when I look at it from the perspective of the cross, I have hope, thankfulness and joy. How can I be unthankful or mad when I realise how much I have and how little I deserve?  If our joy and hopes and dreams are limited to this life now, we could possibly keep that train running smoothly on track for a while, but soon, more often than not, we will find that its on a roller coaster track. There are no guarantees, formulas or bulletproof principles that we can apply to get what we want. This life is uncertain, full of pain and suffering. Yes, even for Christians. We don't live in paradise. We live in a world full of sin and imperfection. Sin caused us many troubles, but most of all, it separated us from God.

So you want to know how I'm doing? Better than ever, I'll have to say, because I understand the gospel better than ever before. I understand how little I have to offer God. In fact, I have nothing to offer God. He is holy, and I am sinful. A holy God can never look at sin and excuse it or try to overlook it. If He could, He wouldn't be holy anymore. A righteous God can never allow sin to go unpunished. If He did, He wouldn't be righteous anymore. He can't even say, that's ok, as long as you don't do it again. That would make Him a lousy and unrighteous judge! Our sin cannot go unpunished. The wages of sin is death. Eternal death. No one deserves the happiness they think they deserve. In light of God, who gives us the air that we breathe, whom we've sinned against and disregard and do not even seek to please in most cases, we really have no foot to stand on. Even our best efforts are like filthy rags in His sight.

Why do I always focus so much on sin and talk down on myself and others, why am I so negative, why do I have such low self esteem, you may ask. The more I think about the power of the gospel, the more I know how much God must love us. If we don't see our helpless state with no way of rescuing ourselves from what we rightfully deserve, we also cannot understand God's love and grace. Just focussing on God's grace has no merit if we don't know why on earth we need it. Would we need grace if we could obtain righteousness for ourselves without God's intervention? No. We needed someone to reconcile us to God, we needed a mediator. A mediator would need to understand the case of both parties. That is why God, in His grace (which does not take away from His righteousness or holiness) worked out a perfect plan from the beginning of time, to reconcile sinful and rebellious man to Himself. Not that He needed us. (He is 100% self sufficient.) He would send His Son, who would be fully God and fully man, (therefore the perfect mediator) and 100% sinless and perfect (therefore sufficient as an offering for sin) to pay the penalty on our behalf. He knew we could not do it ourselves.

2 Cor 5:21  For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

So the glory of the gospel is effectively this: The One from whom we need to be saved is the One who saved us. Its the greatest love story of all time.

We often find ourselves, as Christians, seeking a blessing from God. God is a good God, and He wants to bless us, we are told. I'm so over that. God has already blessed us! Everything He did from the moment sin entered the world, was with one purpose in mind - TO REDEEM US. To BLESS us with the greatest blessing of all time – JESUS, the saviour of our lost souls.
Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

If that is not enough, we will never be content. This life will satisfy only a lucky few, for a short while. With the light of the gospel in mind, I realise more and more that my happiness is not in having a child or in acquiring success or good relationships or any other pursued thing here on earth. It all just seems so futile and petty in comparison to what I already have in Jesus. And that, dear friends, is all we need, I believe, to conquer any trial or suffering or lack. Hope, they say, conquer all things. A false hope will crush us even more, but a true hope will help us to endure even the most difficult of circumstances, until the end. Rom 8:18 [Paul said] 'For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.'

I encourage everyone therefore to go ahead and acquire all you want to acquire, but if you acquire only one thing, make sure its your eternal security. No death, sickness, or lack can ever take that away from you. And nothing you do can ever earn it for you. And nothing you acquire can ever be worth it, if it costs you your soul. Salvation is by grace alone, through faith alone, in Jesus alone. Nothing more, nothing less.

The gospel is about God, its not about us. I find that if I focus too much on myself I loose perspective and feel sorry for myself – I can easily find more than enough reason to get depressed. But when I focus on the gospel, the good news about Jesus who became a man, offered Himself as the perfect sacrifice for my sin and proved His deity by being raised from the dead, I have a hope and a joy anchored in eternity and not in things that can be here today and gone tomorrow. I heard a good and relevant quote recently - 'Some people are so poor, the only thing they have is money.' Do we get that? Don't structure your entire life around money and when judgement day comes, you don't have any security!
 
I leave you with one of my favourite verses lately:

'For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?' Mark 8:36

If all of this seems a bit silly to you, you can ask the Holy Spirit to make it alive in your heart as He did in mine. It is the wisest thing you could ever do. 1 Cor 1:18: ‘For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.’

Matters of the heart

I used to always say back when my life was still plain sailing, 'If its true that God will not let anything happen to you that you cannot handle, based on my relatively easy life thus far, I probably cannot handle too much.' 

This past week was one of the most challenging of my life. Off course, nothing quite like what we went through last year, but still very hard. I'll try and tell you all about it without being too dramatic. The drama in my life is bad enough without me having to add any special effects!

I was admitted to the hospital on Monday morning for my scheduled D&C operation in the afternoon. They reason for the early admission is that they give you a drug a few hours before the operation (called Cytotec) to make the muscles relax so that the operation would be easier. 

Wessel came with me and sat next to my bed with his laptop, working. Even though its not a major operation, its always good to have your husbands' support. Hospitals are not fun at the best of times, and on top of that we were dealing with the disappointment of having to remove my unsuccessful pregnancy.

About half and hour after I was given the medication, I started feeling really bad. My chest started aching terribly and I was nauseous. I also broke out in a cold sweat, started to feel faint, had a painful lameness in both my arms and had an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Wessel gave me the bin for my nausea and went to call the nurse. They said the chest pain was because I was throwing up, but I know what throwing up feels like. This was different. They tried to put me in a wheelchair to take me to the bathroom, but I fainted, so they put me back on the bed and brought a toilet to me! The nurses called the doctor, who was there quickly and ordered a drip and tried to take some blood among other things. The bad symptoms didn't stop for a while – I thought for a moment that maybe I'm gonna die, but then I thought no, I'm just exaggerating. I can be such a sissy sometimes, I said to myself. The dizzyness went away and after about 20-30min the chest pain also went away. I was feeling weak. From what I remember a lung specialist came to see me, they did and ECG on my heart and then I was pushed to the radiology department with my drip to have X-rays and a sonar of the chest done. They didn't find anything irregular. Also, they saw the blighted ovum on the sonar, still no baby inside.

By now it was almost time for the D&C operation. It was successfully completed under aesthetics, so thankfully I don't remember anything. Had a bit of a déjà vu, because the gynae and anesthetist were also the ones to do my c-section, delivering Tabitha. After the operation I didn't have much pain, except a little chest pain again that lasted for a few minutes. It wasn't as bad as the first time, but still pretty uncomfortable. 

The cardiologist also came to see me. He did a sonar of my heart and was very happy. Everything looked good to him. They decided to keep me in hospital for the night in order to do another ECG and more blood tests in the morning, but assured me that I could still catch my flight the next afternoon to go visit my parents. Later that evening, I was transferred to the CCU (Coronary Care Unit). I didn't understand why, but apparently after the doctors left they picked up something that caused them to worry about my heart. I think it was the blood test results that showed significant amounts of enzymes that leaked from damage to my heart muscle. I was connected to the monitors and had a nurse looking after me, exactly like Tabitha did in the NNICU. I was still not too worried because the doctors said I could go home the next day. But then they picked up from my ECG that morning, that the chest pain of the previous day must have been a heart attack. I couldn't believe it, but I think neither could the doctors. They've never seen anybody have a heart attack from Cytotec before. In fact, I was given a lower dosis of it last year with my c-section. So there were lots of questions and off course everybody that heard the news couldn't believe it – it still sounds like some sick joke.

The most disappointing thing for me was that I had to cancel my flight to go visit my family and stay in hospital the whole week. They scheduled me for an angiogram on the Thursday. They established that my cholesterol was low, and since I didn't have a family history of heart problems and was young and relatively fit, they didn't expect to see any problems with my arteries on the angiogram. They believed that the heart attack was mainly due to the drug causing my heart going into a spasm and temporarily cutting off oxygenated blood flow to the heart muscle. A small part of the heart muscle sustained injuries, but it can repair itself in time. 

The worst part of the hospital stay for me was the taking of bloods at least twice a day. My arm doesn't have good veins and I was already blue from struggling to find veins on the Monday. They pricked me everywhere from my hand to the back of my elbow. The other arm had a permanent drip, so they didn't go there. And I can't stand blood and needles. I always look away, afraid that I would faint! On Thursday after the angiogram the Ampath person showed up there with like 15 tubes to fill. I wanted to cry it was so sore. O yes, I did cry because my vein ran dry when there were still 5 tubes left. Anyway, they eventually got their blood and my arm got some more bruises and another plaster stuck to my wounds and irritating my skin.

The angiogram was not my best experience ever. I wasn't sure what to expect so the unknown is always a bit scary. They give you local anesthetic in your groin, which I find to be quite a sensitive area, but at least after that you don't feel much when they inject the contrast through a vein in your groin. I could see my arteries on the screen as the contrast filled them, one at a time. Off course I didn't know what to look for but I just hoped that everything would be normal and fine. They did, however, find a slight narrowing on the one artery (about 8%), but they didn't think it was significant enough to put in a stent. The doctor told me that they would have to put me on medication to make sure that my heart repairs properly. That was the single worst moment for me the whole week. I knew what it meant. We would have to delay falling pregnant, and I so desperately want to have a baby as soon as possible. I balled my eyes out. The people in the room didn't know what I was on about. 3-6 months, he said, maybe a year. I just wanted to be alone and cry a bit. I guess that's why I couldn't quite handle the 15 tubes of bloods. 

I was hoping to maybe come home on Thursday, but I had to stay flat on the bed without bending my leg for 6 hours so the wound could settle. It bled quite a bit. In the afternoon I could start walking again slowly. The cardiologist prescribed my medication and said I could go home the next day. Apparently slight narrowings in young people's arteries are rather common, but still they'd expect it from someone with high cholesterol. The artery itself wouldn't repair, but in itself it shouldn't cause me any problems, except if I take Cytotec again! Apparently my symptoms are listed as a side effect of Cytotec, but only one other case has been reported worldwide. 

On Friday morning I was released to go home after breakfast. I was so happy! I couldn't wait to get home. After being warned by the doctor that I might experience low blood pressure and therefore dizzyness as a result of the combination of drugs that I'm on, I managed to faint on my way to the bathroom just as Wessel came in to fetch me. As I felt dizzy I went to sit down immediately, but the feeling wouldn't go away and I passed out as they put me into a chair to take me back to my bed, even though I tried so hard to stay awake. Apparently I clung to the chair and started shaking and Wessel and the nurses got a big fright once again. Shame my poor husband. He's had more than a fair amount of stress this week! I was so angry with myself because then they were worried about me again and I couldn't go home. They just took off all the ECG stickers from my chest and my drip and everything, and when this happened they had to put it all back again. Except the drip, but still those stickers hurt when you pull them off! My blood pressure was very low, but the doctor said I just need to adapt to the medication and stand up really slowly. So in the afternoon I finally went home. 

My body is still tired and I'm still a bit dizzy - all side effects from the pills. For those familiar with drugs, I'm taking Warfarin, Cardicor and Rampil. Not your average disprin type of drugs. I also have to get an injection in my tummy every 12 hours for blood clotting, but only until Monday. Wessel has to give it to me, because as I said I am terrified of needles. I get palpitations before every shot!

It was really a hard week, but as I had to deal with bad news upon bad news, I just knew that we've been through worse, and God has given us the strength to deal with it before, He would do the same now. Nothing that happens could ever change my convictions, because they are written deep on my heart and no single event or circumstances can erase it. I realised that tough times are there to reveal who we really are on the inside, what our hearts really believe. 

1 Peter 1:6-7

'So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold – though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remain strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.' 

I will still put my trust in God, in His sovereign plan, in His perfect goodness and ultimate wisdom. I still believe that nothing happens that He doesn't know about and that won't work together for the Christian's good and His glory. He is in control of everything that happens, even if it seems really bad to us. Yes, there is sin, yes there is a devil, but God made the universe, and nothing catches Him off guard. We must stop trying to make sense of everything with our little brains. 

The fact is we spend our whole lives trying to avoid suffering, so when times of suffering come, we try and find out what we did wrong or who we can blame. Sometimes there are ways to avoid suffering and sometimes suffering is self-inflicted. Sometimes we suffer for the gospel. But sometimes we just don't know what is going on, and the Biblical way to respond is with confidence in God's sovereignty, perseverance and courage - Jesus will carry us through. God can teach us valuable things through suffering, but somehow we tend to rather run to successful people, living attractive lives, to learn what 5 point plan and 7 step principles they are applying. Through trials we get to learn directly from God, and when we endure, the rewards are eternal. God's righteous judgement is sure to come, but there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Not now, and not even on judgement day, because Jesus paid our debt.

Romans 8:35,37-39

'Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us...Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below – indeed, nothing in all creation will ever separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.'

I am comforted to find that the New Testament is filled with words of encouragement for people going through trials. Trials were not uncommon to Christians then, so why do we expect just blessing and prosperity now? Popular preachers today seem to think that 'breakthroughs' are around every corner, but I don't find this in the Bible. No, the promises of the Bible are in Jesus, who is our Saviour, not our want and greed fulfiller. He died so that we don't have to die an eternal death, not so that we can have all our wants and desires satisfied in this life. If this was true, the Way would not be called the Narrow Way, but the Popular Way. If Jesus is not enough for you, I'm afraid tough times will have you fall by the wayside. Make sure you make up your mind to know what you believe about God and where you stand with Jesus before you get tested! 

And lastly, I just want to thank my husband for his endless support and love during this difficult time. He is a pillar of strength to me, even though he had stress from all sides this week. I also want to thank all my friends for the messages, phone calls, gifts and hospital visits. I was spoiled to have always had visitors during every single visiting hour this week, and my house looks beautiful with all the flowers! Thank you also for all the prayers and concern. It really means a lot to me. God bless you all!

An update.

I thank everyone sincerely who have been keeping us in their prayers. I also encourage everyone to look around you to notice, support, encourage and pray for those who are going through similar experiences. Our experiences have certainly opened up my eyes to notice the pain around me. Many tend to suffer in silence and alone. No person can take away your suffering and pain, but we can all encourage each other in Christ, our Comforter and Saviour.

As I mentioned, I saw the doctor again on Friday. The blood tests as well as the sonar confirmed the diagnosis - definitely a blighted ovum. My ovum has not grown since last week and there is still no baby or heartbeat anywhere to be seen. My hormone levels have also gone down since last week, so there is no reason to further postpone the D&C operation. The dangers are that if my body naturally discards the pregnancy (eventually - it could take as long as a month) the bleeding will be excessive and I'll have to go to the emergency room and get a blood transfusion. So apparently its better to remove the pregnancy by means of an operation before that happens. On Monday I will be admitted for the procedure. The things women have to go through! I'm sure lots of ladies can relate!!!

I'm going to take a few days off after the operation to recover physically and also emotionally. I don't think its healthy to just continue with life as if nothing happened. I will be in mourning. This baby may not have developed, but I still feel like a mother of 2. And after next week, we will make a fresh start and try again.

By now I think we've learned that joy and fulfillment cannot be found in our hopes and desires being fulfilled, but only in a firm foundation in Jesus. When we truly realise what we have because of what He has done, all these other things seem so insignificant. The eternal promise we have is far over and above any earthly blessing we can ever wish for. That's why any suffering we may experience on earth is really ok. For the person who has put their trust in Jesus alone, everything will be alright in the end. If its not alright, its not the end!

Mrs Anonymous who commented on my previous post, said that she's learned through her trials that a blessing doesn't necessarily feel good. What a wonderful encouragement to all of us. We tend to measure everything through pleasure, success, feelings and fulfillment in worldly terms. But our souls are way more important than our bodies, especially to Jesus. Jesus gave up His life and endured alot of 'not feeling good' (to put it lightly), so that our souls can be saved. Don't push Him away if things go bad. Our suffering now is nothing compared to what all of us justly deserve in the eternal lake of fire. We owe everything to Him! For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but lose his soul? What can a man give in return for his soul? (Mark 8:36-37)

Happy Mother's Day tomorrow to all the mothers!. If your children are alive and well - thank God for them, they are a blessing. If your child is maybe alive but not so well - put your trust in Him, this imperfect life is only temporary. He will give you the strength you need to face each day. And a very happy Mother's Day to you! You have been handpicked for the job.

It will be my first Mother's Day as the mother of a little precious daughter in heaven. I will also thank God, for I am richer and not poorer. And I hope that all the other mothers out there in a similar position will feel the same!

Bad News...

Our excitement has been put on hold for a while as we hit another bump in the road. Last Friday, the day after I announced my pregnancy, we went to the doctor. He was also very excited for us. We spoke about taking special precautions that can reduce my chances of getting pre-eclampsia again. And then we went to have a look on the sonar. Everything seemed good for 7-8 weeks, but we kept looking to see the baby in the 'nice big ovum of 3.5cm'. Even on the internal sonar we could not see anything. Its a blighted ovum, the doctor said. Not that I was familiar with the term but I knew it wasn't good. Wessel and I kept calm as we tried to come to terms with the disappointment. 'You are pregnant, but its not a viable pregnancy', the doctor said. 'The baby never developed'. 'The Lord is testing you', he added. 

I don't know what's happening, but I know it doesn't feel good. I burst into tears as we got to the parking lot. All the excitement and now this? I know that God is in control and that He has a plan with even this, I just thought I had His perfect timing figured out – but obviously not. We'll just have to wait some more. 

By Friday evening I decided to postpone the operation (the doctor suggested that Monday) by a week. I wanted to make sure that we were not missing something. Maybe there is some optical illusion that we are not aware of. Maybe the baby just needs some more time to reveal itself, although the doctor was convinced that it is definitely a blighted ovum.  I don't question him as a doctor at all, he's saved my life before! And he's very competent. I guess its just something I felt I wanted to do for my own peace of mind.

Yesterday I went for blood tests again, and tomorrow we'll have another look on the sonar. I really wish for a miracle, but I told God that I rest in His plan. I've learned not to question it. God is the Creator, I am His creation. He understands me better than what I think I know myself. God is the Potter, I am the clay. He is shaping me and molding me to be fit for His Kingdom. Jesus is my Shepherd, I am just a sheep. He knows where we're going and He is protecting me from harm.

Just as well that I read through the book of Job again about a month ago. In the beginning of the book, Job looses everything that he owns including all his children. The only thing he's left with is a wife that tells him to curse God, and smarty pants friends who think they understand God and makes it their business to defend God's goodness by seeking fault with Job. That is the only way they can make sense of why God would allow Job so much suffering. I see that today too. People come up with theories and explanations for bad things that happen, as if they understand God. 'You know God would never do such a thing, it must be the Devil's work'. 'God is only good, you must've done something wrong.' 'You didn't have enough faith.' 'Maybe its God's way of showing you that you're not in His will.' Even though Job's friends thought they were defending God, God says in chapter 42 (v7), 'My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.'

I don't claim to understand God's ways, but I know His character (He reveals Himself in His Word so it's there for everyone to know). I don't know why He does what He does, but I know the promise of salvation is clear to understand for everyone with eyes to see and ears to hear. Heaven is the place he promised for those who belong to His Kingdom, and there we will understand and everything will be perfect. For now there will be times of imperfection, pain, loss, suffering, confusion and questions. And as I said last year when we faced the biggest trial of our lives, questioning is not something I do, because I trust God. I don't have to know everything.

The most amazing part of the book of Job for me is not when Job is restored by getting double what he owned before. Its the part where God talks. Its very poetic and beautiful as He describes His creation and His glory, might and power.  He asks a lot of questions, but it basically comes down to this (in my understanding): 'Who do you think you are? Look around you! I am God! Trust me!' God's speech emphasizes his sovereignty in creating and maintaining the world. God is king over the world and is not necessarily subject to questions from his creatures, including men. God is not in need of the approval of his creation. 

God is a Mighty God! He is worthy of our praise! He is not just an idol in our minds or a magic wand to swing when things get tough, or a crutch to lean on! He is real. He didn't just make us and leave us, He also cares for us on a personal level. So tomorrow I will go to the doctor again and face whatever is coming my way, because I know the God who created the Universe and every creature in it is also in control of what happens in my womb. And He loves me.

 

I think I should preach to myself more often, it really helps! Some days it feels like I'm facing the most difficult time in my life. But then I remember where we've come from and how Jesus has carried us through it. Then I know this will be fine too!

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Good News!

I've been wanting to write for a while now, and now I have so much to say I don't know where to start. First of all let me announce that I am 7 weeks pregnant (I only found out this week, which is weird as I thought I'll know immediately) – long story but needless to say we are delighted, ecstatic, humbled, thankful and a little nervous. I thought I'll get to print a baby grow for the little one that says 'Made in China' (since we traveled there last month) but luckily for him/her, it won't be necessary now. This baby is proudly South African, and it seems the due date is pretty much the week of my birthday. And to top it all my sister, Hilde, is also expecting her 3rd! She is 10 weeks now, so double the joy! Wow God is full of surprises! What a gift!!! Just as you think He has forgotten about you, you realise that His timing is perfect! We also want to thank all our friends and even people we don't know so well, for being so happy for us. A baby is always a happy tiding, but everyone seems extra super excited for us, which is so great! We really are very blessed to have you all in our lives! We are praying for a good pregnancy and safe delivery.

  

I've been wanting to write about the legitimacy of the Bible, the existence of God and the disputed deity of Jesus. So lets dig into this very worthy topic, that should take at least some time of careful thought for everyone on the face of this earth, whether Christian (you need to know why you believe what you believe), Jew, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, New Ager, agnostic or atheist.

 

We are just about halfway between the resurrection and the ascension on the Christian calendar now. Of Jesus, that is -  the most famous religious/historical figure in the history of the world. How do we know that He actually existed? How do we know what we are told about Him is legit? Jew, Muslim, Hindu and Buddhist will call him a prophet or a good man. Agnostics will say that no one can know for sure who he actually was, or if he even existed. Atheists also deny that he was more than a mere mortal like you and me, or they might also try and convince themselves that he is a fragment of people's imaginations, no more than a folk tale, a superstition or part of a conspiracy. How can we know the truth for sure? Some people believe that anyone who claims to be sure about anything concerning this life, and especially the next are arrogant, judgemental, or just unrealistic. Anyone who claims that the Bible is more than just a book with some helpful hints and fascinating stories and fables are labelled 'gullible'. 

I heard a boy at a coffee shop at the airport during our recent travels, ask his chaperone what he believes. The guy said he's not an atheist, and not a believer (in other words agnostic). He doesn't think that any of us can really know what goes for what - we are too small and unimportant compared to the universe. So they basically agreed that they believe in the big bang. I regret not barging in on the conversation to try and shed a light on a few things that I believe one can be sure of. I regretfully missed that opportunity but will now spill my thoughts here, please bear with me all you people of the human race with logical thinking abilities.

First of all, from a historical point of view - how can we trust the accuracy of the Bible? Even if we can, its so ancient, you might say, it can't possibly still be relevant today. Lets think about it. How do we know anything from history? How do we know that people from 100 years ago, 200 years ago or the previous millennium really existed? None of us were there! Obviously we have historical records. Someone recorded events about that person's life or they kept a diary or wrote letters that was saved for the next generations. Any literature of note was copied by scribes as accurately as possible onto tablets, animal skins or papyrus, until the printing press was invented in the 15th century.  Have you ever heard anybody question the existence of Columbus, Newton or Napoleon? Off course not. We know they existed because either they penned some information or there were eyewitnesses who recorded the events, and the information was preserved for many generations to come. 

The Bible consist of 66 different books, penned by 40 different authors. The books of the Old Testament record historical events of over 1000 years. It starts with the creation of the world and ends with the prophet Malachi promising that the next big event will be Jesus coming to the Temple (Mal 3:1) and that the next prophet will be John the Baptist (Mal 4:4-6), who would prepare the hearts of the people for the coming of the Messiah. The New Testament starts with Jesus' birth (after 400 years of silence after Malachi's prophesies) and records Jesus' life, death and resurrection, as well as the first Church (body of believers) and how the news of Jesus was spread in the ancient world. It also contains the letters of instruction and encouragement to the Churches of different areas and ends with more prophesies by the apostle John in the book of Revelation.

The accuracy of historical manuscripts are measured according to certain criteria. The New Testament, for example, by far outweighs any of the other ancient manuscripts from the same era in terms of both the number of transmitted copies we possess and their proximity in date to the original. Manuscripts written by ancient figures like Plato, Ceasar and Aristotle have less than 10 discovered copies available, dating from roughly 500-900 years after the original writings, whereas the New Testament has over 14 000 discovered copies in different languages like Greek, Latin, Syraic, etc, dating from roughly the same generation as when it was originally written. In other words, the accuracy of the original writings to what we have today cannot be disputed. 

How do we know that what was written is factual and not just stories and fables? Lets first look at all the prophesies. More than 300 prophesies written on Jesus alone has come to pass. Not 300 out of 400, or more or less in accuracy. No, all of the prophesies, some containing seemingly unimportant details about Jesus, how He would die and the resurrection, came true 100%. No man other than the true prophets of God can say that everything they have predicted have come true. Only someone who knows the future can have that type of track record. Only God knows the future without fail, it is something even Einstein cannot figure out. So only people who were truly told by God what to say can possibly have known all the details hundreds of years in advance. Here are a few examples: Seven hundred years before Jesus' birth, Isaiah promised that Jesus' mother would be a virgin who would conceive by a miracle. (Is 7:14, fulfillment Matt 1:18-23)  Isaiah also predicted that Jesus would die and be buried in a rich man's tomb. (Is 53:8-9; Matt 27:57-60; Luk 23:46)

Seven hundred years before Jesus' birth, Micah promised that Jesus would be born in Bethlehem. (Mic 5:2, fulfillment Luke 2:1-7) 

Five hundred years before the birth of Jesus, Zechariah promised that Jesus would be betrayed for thirty pieces of silver. (Zech. 11:12-13, Matt 26:14-15) 

One thousand years before the birth of Jesus, David promised that lots would be cast for Jesus' clothing (Ps 22:18; John 19:23-24) and that Jesus would be crucified (this was hundreds of years before crucifixion was even invented) (Ps 22:16; Luke 23:33)

Like I said, there are hundreds more. So if the books of the Bible are historically accurate (something not easily disputed), these prophesies had to be inspired by Someone who knows the future and in His providence caused all events to come together so that they can be fulfilled up to the letter.

So the Bible was written by people who could make mistakes. Yes, all people make mistakes. But God works through them nonetheless. How would you have preferred God to reveal Himself to humankind? He created the world (something we observe everyday) with details so intricate that no-one in their right mind (or shall I say no-one who is prepared to go to extremes and do anything EXCEPT bow their knee to the true God) can ignore it. Study any animal and you will see how they were designed for survival to the most creative details. Consider the miraculous eyesight of the eagle and the camouflaging abilities of the chameleon, the Owl-butterfly or the locust? How do you explain the reproduction process? Its intricate and miraculous, no-one can comprehend it. To attribute these things to a big bang needs a lot of gullibility. Its just unrealistic, no matter how you look at it. I will even call it arrogant, because I am humbled to tears when I learn about these things. God is BIG and we are small - that's all I can think about. That's the only way we can explain these things, unless you BELIEVE in a very low probability.

Is the Bible still relevant today? If the Bible is really about God revealing Himself to humankind, the time in history He does so is of no importance. Not only does God reveal himself to us every day by the wonderful complex design of the universe and life on this earth, He also gave us prophesies and symbols throughout the Bible as a clue that He would come down into human history as a Man, as The Saviour. And when He came down, He continued to see that everything gets recorded by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and in His providence ensured that it is preserved for future generations, so that nobody can say they didn't know. There is indeed no excuse for our generation to stay naive on this matter. The Bible proves itself to be true. It even says of itself that it will stand the test of time, that it is unlike any book that was or will ever be written and that it will last forever because it is from God (Ps 18:30; Prov 30:5; Is 40:8) And here we are today still talking about it. No way! No other religious book in human history contains even one prophesy that came to pass.

Its one big conspiracy, you say. Why would it be? If someone was in it for the fame or fortune I could believe it, but not the prophets of the Old Testament nor the Apostles in the New Testament got anything out of it. In fact, they lived terrible lives, often being persecuted, jailed or murdered for what they said and believed. What idiots they would be if they were not obeying the Almighty God? What else would be worth dying for? Having a man claim that He is God, die a brutal death and be resurrected on the third day must be the biggest news event in the history of the world. Have you ever heard of anything similar? The eyewitnesses who wrote the gospels acted as the news reporters of the day. There was nothing in it for them if they made it up (or if they wrote down stories to make the prophesies of the old testament seem true). Why would they try and make a prophet that lived 700 years before them look credible? Why would people like John, Paul and Peter endure hate speech, being thrown in jail and being murdered if they just made it all up?

Theres no relative truth. Truth is absolute by definition. Jesus is either God or He is not. If He is not God as He said He is, he's not a good man, a good example or a prophet. Then he'd simply be a liar. A stupid liar, because if he simply admitted that he is not God, he could have saved himself from a brutal, inhumane, shameful and unnecessary death. Jesus was killed by the religious leaders of his day because they accused Him of blasphemy against God (because He called himself God). Only a stupid man would persist that he is God if he is not, if he knows its gonna get him killed.

On the other hand, if Jesus is God, in the flesh, sent by the Father God in the big Redemption Plan, as orchestrated from the very beginning, to save us from our sin, which leads to eternal death, the offer of salvation is just like the best offer on the planet, ever, and God deserves our all. Repent of your sins today and put your trust in Jesus. Don't just believe that he existed, trust Him as the only way to salvation and you will not be a stupid man. We need Him to bail us out because our sin is against Him, the God of the universe, who holds our planet in its circuit and our breath in His hands. He will trade your sin for His righteousness and you will not have to carry the punishment for your sins forever in the lake of fire called Hell. Its not fair but that's how much God loves us. 

If you have any questions about the legitimacy of the Bible or the existence of God or if there are open ends that you think don't tie up, please feel free to leave an anonymous comment. I will try to find an answer for you if I don't know myself. Just remember - even the most clever of us can't match up with the God of the universe, so if we don't understand, its best to ask humbly rather than to rebel against God. 

Happily ever after...

This week we had 3 weddings in 5 days. Craaazzzyyy! It was beautiful. All three couples know and serve the Lord. Marriage is beautiful because marriage is of God. Maybe you don't have a good view of marriage due to your experiences. I'm sorry if that is so. When two people get married, two people are responsible to make it work. You can't always control the other person's decisions and actions, but when you are a Bible believing Christian, and you marry another Bible believing Christian, you both submit to God and play by His rules. If there are no rules, anything can happen. It's like a lucky packet. You might not be so lucky.  If there's no accountability to God, you make up the rules as you go, and it might not be to the benefit of your spouse.

In a lawless, godless society, marriage is defined by man, and love is defined by feelings. Feelings are as inconsistent as the weather. "Following your heart" is offered by many life optimisers/personal growth gurus and other 'clever people' as the key to a happy, fulfilled life. Your head or your heart? Neither! Your brain might be fed with the wrong information and your heart can't be trusted (because of sin)! Its best for us to trust God, who understands us more than we understand ourselves, because He designed us and made us. 

Genesis 6:5

The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

Jeremiah 17:7-19

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

     whose trust is the Lord.

  He is like a tree planted by water,

    that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

    for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

    for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

 The heart is deceitful above all things,
    and desperately sick;
    who can understand it?
  “I the Lord search the heart
     and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
    according to the fruit of his deeds.”

God showed us first hand how to approach marriage. Marriage is a covenant. A covenant by definition is giving what you've got, and sticking to your word despite the other party's failure to do so. Its different to a contract, whereby failure of the one party to do their part frees the other party of their commitment. The pattern for marriage is reflected in the gospel. The Bible starts with the first marriage between Adam and Eve, and ends with the promise that Jesus is coming back for His bride (the church). The church is every person who has received forgiveness for their sins through Jesus' blood sacrifice (God's covenant to Abraham fulfilled), and is therefore adopted into God's Kingdom. Throughout the Old Testament, God pursues His people, but they keep betraying Him. They find themselves other gods and live as though He didn't exist. Despite this, he forgives them time and again. He still honoured His covenant with them by sending His Son, His own flesh, to die for them, so that they can be saved and share in His glory for ever and ever. This is the most beautiful love story of all time. (Its the only one where they REALLY live 'happily ever after'!)

Jesus, an image of the 'husband', loved his bride so much that He was willing to die for her, in order to save her. In the same way husbands must love their wives, by dying to themselves. (See Ephesians 5). Similarly, the church must submit to Jesus (honour Him, respect Him, trust Him, obey Him, be faithful to Him and Him alone) in the same way that a wife must submit to her husband. It might sound abusive/old fashioned to us, but show me a husband who loves his wife as he loves his own body, and I'll show you a wife who happily submits to him. If ever we don't understand this concept, we must look at the example of Jesus, who demonstrated this perfectly by first loving and pursuing us, while we were still sinners.

We are not perfect, however, and when two sinners join in marriage, we can be sure that they'll hurt each other and sin against each other. But when they sin, by God's design they should both be humble enough to repent before each other and before God and turn away from their sins. As a Christian we have the Holy Spirit, who convicts us of our sin and makes us hate sin, so that we don't want to do it again. Selfishness kills marriages, and selfishness is at the root of sin. Considering this, we can can see why a Christian marriage has hope of succeeding. I don't know how any couple can stay together without submission from both parties to follow God's rules. Such a marriage is blessed of God. 

If marriage is so hard, why do we even bother? Do we marry for happiness? What if marriage wasn't designed to make us happy, but to rather make us holy? (Gary Thomas in 'Sacred Marriage'). Look around you and you'll see that marriage is no recipe for a 'happily ever after'. Even if you have a happy marriage, your partner can be killed in a car accident or contract a deadly disease in a second. True happiness is just not possible in this life.  No matter how hard you work at it, no matter how many '10 steps...', '7 keys...' or '3 solutions...' you follow, if you look for happiness and fulfillment in people or things, it will fade. True happiness, I believe, is in eternal security. Eternal security is found in Jesus.  Mark 8:36 Jesus says: 'For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?'

Everything seems to come back to our situation. I have realised that when I keep looking at what we don't have, what we've lost and what we long for, I am very miserable. But when I look at what we have in Jesus – eternal security, the hope of a perfect future in heaven where we'll be reunited with our beautiful baby where everything will be happy to a degree that we can't comprehend on earth, no lack, no pain, no tears and no longings, no imperfection – we have peace. What we had or didn't have on earth won't be a patch, it will be insignificant, ridiculously petty, forgotten. And nobody can take the peace that He gives away from us! Thank God.

The truth and nothing but the truth

I am a mother. I am childless. I am a childless mother. I don't feel much like a mother, but I can feel the childlessness very clearly. Is childlessness without motherhood more bearable?

I can't deny that the pain that I feel is very real. Tomorrow would have been Tabitha's 7 month birthday, and I wish I could say that the pain is getting better. In fact it might even be getting worse. I wish I could tell other hurting parents out there that the pain will subside after a while. I'm sorry, at this stage I can't. I can only tell you that the only thing that sustains me is God's Word. Through it I can learn and grow and get to know Jesus better. With Him I can face each new day and the hope that it brings.  Despite sorrow, I can get excited as I discover more truth through God's written Word. It is an ongoing journey, that will keep me occupied my entire life. Yes, while I have eyes that can see, ears that can hear and a clear mind, you will never hear me say that I am bored. I thank Jesus for the joy and hope that is found in Him.

I will continue to share my learning with anyone who is willing to listen. The more I learn the more I realize how little I know! I pray that it will encourage you to also study God's Word for yourself, because in order to know God you need to find out who He is. Not according to your friends, your pastor, your family, the magazines, the latest hype, the spirituality shelf in the secular bookstore or even the bestsellers list in the Christian bookstore. For instance, we will all agree that the best way to get to know a celebrity would be to spend time with him/her, rather than to read articles in the media or listen to gossip. You will have a perception of that person, but unless you meet them and spend time with them and listen to what they say and feel, you might think you know them but you will only ever know a twisted version of that person.  Lets not assume we know God based on what we hear. Lets get to know Him personally by discovering what he wanted us to know about Him, conveniently bound in book form, but every word divinely inspired by the Holy Spirit.

For most of my life I didn't really have any real motivation to study God's Word. I thought that going through the Christian motions was enough. I thought that having a basic knowledge of the Bible was enough. I thought that praying was enough. But I found that if you rely on your basic knowledge and what other people tell you, or even on reading Christian books, watching Christian programs or listening to Christian music, you will never really want more because your conscience tells you you're ok. The problem with that is that you might not be ok. Because why would anyone who call themselves a Christian not be interested in knowing everything about Christ? Today with social media, we can follow every word uttered by our favorite celebs. The true fans will make sure they acquire the means in order to know all there is to know about their favorite sports person/singer/actor or whoever. If you say you're a rugby fan, but don't follow any matches, people will think you're a joke. So don't call yourself a Christian if you don't have a desire to study God and delight in learning everything Jesus ever did and said.

If that's you, I will humbly ask that you reconsider how BIG and HOLY God is and how SINFUL you are. Because only when you realize your need for God's mercy will you ever truly be saved. Nobody is saved because they put up their hand, say a prayer or even desire to live a better life. If we can earn heaven by our own doing nobody will need Jesus to be saved. But none of us are perfect, therefore none of our efforts can ever be good enough. And no judge who is fair and just will let a lawbreaker go free without sufficient punishment. Even us who are imperfect are opposed to injustice when a rapist or murderer is not sufficiently punished. How much more of a fair judge is God? If He is fair and perfect, he cannot make any exceptions. If I just think of all the things I've done that are against God's moral law, there is no way I can ever prove myself innocent of punishment.

The wages of sin is death. When Jesus died for us, he offered a means whereby we can be bailed out. When we believe in Him and repent, he becomes our mediator – He volunteered to take our deserved punishment so that we can go free. He took death – the punishment for sin – upon Himself. Therefore only through the perfect lamb, Jesus, justice prevails.  And God, who is self sufficient and doesn't need us, loved us enough to orchestrate history in order that this can happen, so that we can be with Him for eternity. 

Think of how a person desires a child. Nobody needs a child, but most of us want a child. In reality the child will be an inconvenience and cost a lot of money and time and even if we give our best, the child may never be thankful.  God, as one would expect of a perfect parent, gave us His all. He came down to us, in human form (Jesus), because He knew we're just not good enough to get to Him. Through Jesus we can be adopted into His family. And then all the unthankful children say 'surely Jesus can't be the only way!'. Did anybody else bail you out? Unless you are sinless, you need someone to bail you out, you need Jesus. That is the true gospel dear friends. Don't waste more time. Its very important that we all consider this seriously so that we can be convicted of our sins, realize our need for Jesus, come to repentance before a holy God and be saved from eternal death.

Sadly when I look around me I see so many spoilt, disrespectful, foolish, rebellious children. Children who disrespect their Father, or who act like they don't even have a Father. They move in with other parents who are more open minded and who's rules are not so strict, even though there's no love or fulfillment there. The spoilt ones think they can't do anything wrong in their Father's eyes. They are so consumed with themselves that they actually worship themselves. They seek recognition for their 'greatness' wherever they go. They listen to other people telling them great, but false things about themselves that make them feel very good. They expect their Father to abide by their commands. They expect Him to fall in with all their plans. They think the Book their Father gave them to tell them who He is, is actually about them. They try and use it to get special treats from their Father. They put words in the Father's mouth and then believe it as if He actually said it. They think the Father is only there to serve them, and thereby miss the whole point of the beautiful relationship they could have had. If only they could understand that their Father is BIG and everything they have is actually from Him. In fact, they would not even have existed if it wasn't for Him. Maybe if they humbly realised that they're actually just the child, and that their Father is the actual Father, they would ask for forgiveness and be content to just be loved and love Him back and enjoy spending time together. They might even end up paying attention to their Father for who He is, and not for what He can give them. And they might realise they're not as great and deserving as they thought they were.

I encourage you therefore to seek the truth, get to know your Father. The best way is to sit at His feet, listening to the words directly from His mouth (the Bible). The truth about God is not relative. Its not different for different people. Its not whatever you feel is right. Its not what you believe in your heart. The heart is deceitful and wicked, the Bible says. Just like there is only one truth about you, there is only one truth about God. Just like the truth about leap year is the same for all people, whether they believe it or not, the truth about God is the same for all people, whether they believe it or not. And its not a mystery. Its available to all humble enough to seek it. And it sets us free, even when its not what we want to hear. I know this may come as a surprise to many, but everything you hear that sounds Christian and good and beautiful and motivational, is not truth. The Bible is a two-edged sword. It cuts right to our hearts. And it hurts sometimes. Repentence, self-denial and taking up your cross doesn't come naturally to self-righteous, self-consumed, status hungry, comfort seeking, arrogant people.

This passage sums up quite a bit of what I mentioned.

2 Timothy 3
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 6 For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, 7 always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. 9 But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all, as was that of those two men.

All Scripture Is Breathed Out by God
10 You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, 11 my persecutions and sufferings that happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, and at Lystra—which persecutions I endured; yet from them all the Lord rescued me. 12 Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, 13 while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. 14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

Ps. If you've never read God's Word, I suggest you start with John. 

Pps. Sebastian is doing well at home, praise the Lord! He is still breathing with the help of a little oxygen. Please continue to pray for him and his mother!