Presenting... little Divan Roberts!

On Monday a miracle happened. My sister had a healthy baby boy! We are all delighted and I can't wait to meet him soon! I know it happens all the time - people have healthy babies. But it doesn't take away from the fact that it remains a miraculous event. From conception, to birth. Wow. How amazing. Have you ever stopped to think about the miracle of life? Agnostics try to explain it by science. But science alone cannot explain how a sperm and an egg suddenly become a heartbeat. Did you know that at 6 weeks in the womb, a baby already has visible eyes, hands and a heartbeat? A little human being, with its own independently functioning organs, DNA, blood type and personality. People argue that its not a human being because its still dependent on the mother. Two independent heartbeats? Comeon... Just because someone is on life support or gets a dialysis doesn't make them any less of a human being.

A little logic goes a long way. Science should not take away our ability to think clearly and logically. Science can simply explain everything that was created by God in the first place. To disprove God, the source of life, you have to let go of all logical reasoning. Seeing a created being with intricately designed functions and features but denying a Creator? Unfortunately, that's what defines the norm of 'science' accepted by schools and governments today. We don't assume that a building just happened randomly, and when we buy clothes we automatically know that there was a designer and a factory somewhere that manufactured it. Yet when it comes to giving glory to God for what He has done, people will even give up their logic (while being labelled intelligent by the world) to try and deny Him so that they can continue worshiping themselves. Crazy stuff.

 
Yes, I do wish that this baby could've been mine! I can't help but think that if my last pregnancy worked out, my baby would've arrived in the next 3 weeks. But life belongs to God. He gives it and He has the right to take it. ONLY He has the right to take it. And that's fine with me. I don't want to be like God and control life and death. I don't have the wisdom and knowledge of things to come like He does.  I don't love like He does - in my humanity I find it hard to make even one decision not based on my own selfishness!

It might be hard, but when are we going to learn to trust God? To REALLY trust Him? On this road I've learned to trust Him a lot but I'm still not there. I still doubt and wish sometimes. But I am convinced that there is a purpose for everything that is put on our path. We must learn to give thanks in ALL circumstances. Instead of always questioning, doubting God, wishing we were God and acting like there is no God, we must learn to be content in our various situations, and just LIVE LIFE, to the glory of God. Focusing on ourselves always leads to self-pity and even more selfishness. Focusing on others and Jesus, who is the only true Hope, will help us to not worry so much about what we have now but about our treasures in heaven. Then life becomes meaningful. Not in a self-fulfilling kind of way (there we go with the selfishness again!), but in a way that truly glorifies God.
 
1 Peter 1:3-9
According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
 
Can we glorify God without denying ourselves? The harsh truth, according to Jesus, is NO.  In the parable of the rich young ruler (Matt 19/Mark 10) the man asks Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. Did Jesus say: 'Just say a prayer and let me come into your heart?' NO!!! To enter through the narrow door takes a whole lot of self denying. Jesus challenges him to give up the things that he's put his trust in. The things he idolised. The things that gave him his identity. The things he coudn't live without. The things that were more important to him than Jesus. Even though he kept all the commands, he forgot about the first one - 'You shall have no other gods before me'. So Jesus cuts right to the heart of the issue and tells him to go sell all his possessions and give the money to the poor. From what we know it doesn't seem like he was willing to do that, so inevitably, he wasn't saved. (By the way, by today's standards, Jesus would be a very unsuccessful evangelist!) 
Then Jesus tells the disciples (Matt 19:29):
And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.
 
I've said it before and I'll say it again - if Jesus is not enough for you, nothing will be. No baby, no husband, no job, no house, no car, no lifestyle, no body shape and no amount of money will ever be good enough. I thank God for the miracle of a new life in our family, but with or without miracles, I trust and hope in Him, my Saviour, alone, and not in what He can give us.

I pray therefore, before praying for a baby, that we will become self-denying, God glorifying people, constantly searching our own hearts for idols, and that we will teach our children the same Truth! Only then can we look forward to eternal life. The life, and life in abundance, the future and the hope that John 10:10 and Jer 29:11 talks about! And this is what I pray for little Divan Roberts as well. The life and life in abundance, the future and the hope that only Jesus gives to those that are willing to deny themselves, follow Him and persevere till the end!

Here are some... ok, a lot of photos from a very proud aunty...

Proud Daddy!

With big sis (and second mommy) - Ezé

With chuffed 'ouboet' - Juan

Blessed mom and baby. After a ceasar under
full anaesthetics and a blood transfusion,
Hilde is looking beautiful!

I got this little outfit for him!

Cuteness personified!

This earth is busted!

Sickness, troubles, hurt, murder, poverty, suffering, loneliness, death - these things seem to be so prevalent these days - seems to me like its getting worse. And its all around us. Its not just far away, it happens here, to people close to us. Our friends lost their baby earlier this month after he turned just one day old. Another friend is struggling with health issues but doctors have not made any diagnosis yet. Our domestic worker's sister has been diagnosed with a tumour. Suffering caused by sickness is something our family is confronted with on a daily basis with my niece, Jené, especially now with her upcoming operations, hanging over our heads like a dark cloud. (see my post from January 2012 about Jené, who is living with cerebral palsey). These things often bring us to tears. Yet it has been prophesied by Isaiah around 700BC already that we can expect the earth and everything in it to 'wear out like an old garment'. No matter how much we try to 'save the earth', the reality according to God is that it will all pass away anyway, regardless of our efforts. The hope we have, however, is that the salvation of the Lord will not wear out, or pass away. It will last forever. That is the Hope that we can hold onto in these troubling and difficult times.

Isaiah 51:6 
“Lift up your eyes to the sky,
Then look to the earth beneath;
For the sky will vanish like smoke,
And the earth will wear out like a garment
And its inhabitants will die in like manner;
But My salvation will be forever,
And My righteousness will not wane."


Rebellion, lawlessness, pride, idolatry, destruction, selfishness, greed, envy, strife, selfrighteousness - these are the things even more prevalent in people these days. It might not drive us to tears the way the above mentioned circumstances do, but it makes God grieve. Yes, God grieves over sin. In Genesis 6:5-6 we learn about this attribute of God as He observes His creation, just before the flood.  
 'Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.'

In Matthew 24:37 Jesus says:
“As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the son of man” 

 In a world where sin is common, suffering, pain and destruction is common. Rom 6:23 says  'For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.'

He did not come to take away the bodily death, but He took away the sting thereof. 

How I wish that sickness, imperfection and death will go away! Wait a minute, oh yes...it will! All these things will pass away and God will make everything new! And those who can stand before him sinless (in Jesus) will live with Him forever in a world free from sin, sickness and death!!! 

REVELATION 21:1-4
"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”

Let's not be upset because we don't understand or because it doesn't seem to make sense. The Bible is filled with examples of people who also could not see the bigger picture but had to trust that God knows what He is doing. (Noah who built an ark in drought, Abraham, who was told to offer his son, Isaac, the Israelites wandering the wilderness for 40 years, Mary, mother of Jesus who was going to have a son out of wedlock, conceived by the Holy Spirit - I'm sure she had a hard time trying to explain that one to somebody!)  And God evidently had a great plan, even though none of them could see it at the time. We have the benefit of learning about God's character through these examples. It should be a lot easier for us to trust Him! It really helps me to remember that He is ultimately GOOD, infinite in WISDOM, and completely SOVEREIGN. Whatever He decides will be for His glory and our good!

A new heart

I'm very happy to share with you that I visited the cardiologist on Tuesday and after examining my heart on the sonar he agreed that I could stop taking the medication! No more Warfarin and Rampil, yey! I'm still continuing with the beta blocker for a while because that is not dangerous should I fall pregnant. The damaged wall in my heart has healed very well, and we are very thankful for that. So now there is nothing preventing us to go ahead with our 'family planning'. No pressure. 

So many of my friends have had babies this year or are currently pregnant. Maybe one day if God wills I will also be one of those people who fall pregnant and miraculously get to take home a baby 9 months later! Seems like everyone who didn't have a baby last year is pregnant this year...it must be really tough for people who struggle to fall pregnant. All I know is that one must never put your hope in 'things', e.g. in having a child, in getting married, in your husband, wife, in money, social status, your job or in reaching certain goals, etc. I believe that is why some people never get over their disappointments and losses. Because they are dealing with an idol issue. When you put your hope and trust in The One who is solid as a rock, who never changes or disappoints, then you can deal with absolutely anything. That's what happens when you put your trust in the Creator rather than the creation. 

I read my blog (everything up to day 53) over the last few weeks. What a hectic ride it was. Looking back, a few things are obvious. 

 - God was there all along. He never left us alone. 

- God has given us supernatural strength to deal with everything.

- He was faithful in not only sustaining us, but teaching us and changing us to become more like His Son.

- He is in control. He is sovereign in everything. What a comforting thought, because we know He is also good and infinite in wisdom.

- Nothing on this earth can and should get us down because the hope and undeserved gift we have in Jesus overpowers it all.

These are the thoughts that bring me to tears. Yes, off course I miss Tabitha. But I am not sad when I think about her. God has given me a new heart.

I'll leave you with the following scriptures. Can you believe that the Bible can be so specific - that God talks through His Word in every single situation we may face? Run to His Word in your difficulties - Jesus the WORD made FLESH (John 1:14), is the answer.

Heb 12:4-11
You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;  and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,

     “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
       Nor faint when you are reproved by Him; 

        For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
      And He scourges every son whom He receives.”

It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?  But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.  Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?  For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.  All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

Psalm 119:75
 I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are righteous,
And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.

Pictures of our Kite Day - Sunday 12 August

Joshua

Lily

Andrew

Katinka and I

Tabitha's bunny - posing with the cupcake arrangement

My mom and I

Almost!

Wessel and my dad

The engineer, readjusting the cord...

Success!

Wonderful August conditions for kite flying!

My turn!

Grant and Mel also built a lovely kite! Just a pity
the hearts and glitter blew away before the kite did!
It was a great effort nevertheless! Thanks guys!

Bow and arrow shooting tips...

Thank you all for coming! It was such a fun day!

Balloons in Paarl!

My niece Ezé, my sister Hilde and my nephew Juan

My cousin, Riette, and her friend in Watford, London –
thinking of Tabitha too...you guys are awesome!

Even with little wind, wohooo!

The Kite Day

Tabitha's first birthday week was very special. Wessel was away for work on her birthday, and being by myself gave me time to remember her and the events from a year ago. Some memories are, off course, very disturbing and sad, but all in all it is good for me to remember. I set aside all responsibilities for the day and spent some time reading some details of her life from my blog. I stayed in bed until late, reading a book, crying and answering messages and phone calls. My friend Luzaan decided to take me for lunch, and that's when the snow came down all over Sandton. It was such a special moment. Everything feels surreal when it snows, especially here in Joburg where we hardly ever see snow. Apparently Joburg saw some snow in 2007, and before that in 1981! At the risk of sounding a bit self absorbed, it felt like God sent us snow as a special message on Tabitha's birthday. Whether He did or not, it was very special - I will never forget it. We had lunch at a quaint little bakery. It was freezing and it felt like we were in Europe. (The thermometer was around 2 degrees celcius at lunchtime.) They even played my favourite music!

When I came back, there were three bunches of flowers delivered to my house. From Wessel, his family and my parents. As I was arranging them in pots two more bunches arrived - from my sister and friends. They are beautiful! My house is still looking like a flower shop! I was really spoiled and the day could not have been more special. It was the perfect day.

My parents came to visit for the weekend, and they gave me a beautiful ring to remember Tabitha by. Absolutely exquisite and totally unexpected. On Sunday we continued the one year memorial celebrations with our Kite flying picnic. It was sunny, but not exactly warm. The wind was freezing, but nevertheless we attempted the long anticipated event. We baked pretty cupcakes and set off with our home made kite. Some friends came to join us. They even brought their own kites along. It was very special. It was beautiful to see our kite fly higher and higher with its pink bow tail and banner and the number '1' drawn on the white plastic. We hope that it caught Tabitha's attention from whatever she is doing in heaven! Even if it didn't, we all enjoyed it very much and even the weather turned out to be quite nice. How wonderful to enjoy quality time with friends and family around the memory of our precious baby girl. We hope to do this every year from now on. 

Thank you also to people elsewhere who celebrated the day with us. My sister in Paarl and her family sent balloons up into the sky as the rainy weather is not ideal for kite flying. My niece even drew a picture of herself and Tabitha on the balloon. My cousin in the UK also had a picnic and flew a beautiful butterfly kite to remember Tabitha! 

I'm posting lots of pictures in another post and a video here. (Make sure you put on the sound at the bottom left.) Enjoy!

One year later: the things I've learned

Last year this time I was laying in a hospital bed, unaware of what the next day, let alone the next 2 months would bring. The nurses looked a bit worried, but I wasn't. I thought we'd be fine. I thought they'll stabilise my blood pressure and send me home until Tabitha was due. Her heart was beating beautifully on the monitors. Quickly did I learn that doctors can't fix everything. Even after the emergency ceasar I thought she would be ok because the doctors have everything under control. And loosing my baby was the last thing I ever expected to happen to me. Now I believe that God sometimes show us who is in control, who we ought to put our trust in, by letting the clever people run out of options.

If I look back now, the amount of things I've learned since then is immense. I am very thankful for that. I do not wish that this tragedy never happened. I do not look back and think what I could have done differently. I do sometimes think how things could have been if I had a normal pregnancy and a healthy child, but more in the sense of how I miss her, what she would have looked like, how she would have achieved her milestones, etc. I love looking forward to meeting her again in heaven. Heaven is more personal to me now. 

I learned about God's sovereignty, wisdom and goodness and how nothing is out of his control. I learned that when our lives are anchored in Him, we have nothing to fear. Nothing that can possibly go wrong can take away my foundation, my hope, my strength which is in Jesus. I've learned this year that whatever the future may hold, I'll be ok. God will never leave me, He will give me the strength to deal with anything that happens and if I run this race well, one day I'll reach the finish line. Graduation day. And what a glorious day it would be. Not the end, but the beginning of a brand new life. The way God intended it, without sin and pain and suffering. 

I learned that this life is uncertain, that nothing we have is really our own, that bad things happen to everyone, that God can't be manipulated. I learned that God is the creator, and we are the creation. What He says is true, whether we believe it or not. As God's creation we don't get to call the shots. What we do get is direct access to our Father, who can not be conformed to our level, but in Jesus we are justified before Him. My Father is the boss and I get to talk to Him. Does He always give me what I want? No! He gives me what I need. He loves me too much to give me what I want. He sees the end from the beginning and the beginning from the end. Therefore I can trust Him, even when it doesn't make sense to me in my limited understanding. 

I learned that miracles do not give people faith. Not the kind of faith God requires. Everybody loves a sign and a wonder, but only the Word of God has the power to bring you to true faith in Jesus. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God (Rom 10:17). We have the example of the Israelites who saw some of the greatest signs of all time, but they were still unfaithful. Therefore we can pray for miracles, but what we should pray for more is the seed of God's Word to take root in people's hearts. And when that seed grows into a tree, the fruit of such a life will be a witness and a blessing to many a people in need of God's grace through faith in Jesus.

I learned that this life is short. It should not be wasted on ourselves, because we are not here for ourselves. We are here for God's glory. A judgement day is coming, whether we believe it or not. We have all the evidence and the witness of God's law that was written on our hearts. Instead of wasting time arguing with what we already know, we should submit to God and live our lives accordingly.

I learned that happiness and reaching our potential is not God's ultimate goal for our lives. He wants us to KNOW HIM and glorify Him with our lives. If suffering will bring us to that point, He will allow it. Not because He loves to see us suffer, but because he loves us so much, He wants us to share in His glory one day.

I learned that God is far bigger than we could ever imagine. I learned that Jesus suffered more than what I could ever experience. I learned that the Holy Spirit is here to guide me and comfort me and strengthen me. I don't have to DO much because Jesus already did everything. I don't have to pray special prayers or do special rituals or confess certain verses or claim special benefits over my life. I can keep my sanity and logic and just trust God. He knows what He's doing!

I find Psalm 119 extremely relevant. Verses 67, 71 and 75 are interesting. (Seems like God blessing people through affliction is nothing new!) Verses 33-40 especially is my prayer today:

³³  Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes;
    and I will keep it to the end.
³⁴  Give me understanding, that I may keep your law
    and observe it with my whole heart.
³⁵  Lead me in the path of your commandments,
    for I delight in it.
³⁶  Incline my heart to your testimonies,
    and not to selfish gain!
³⁷  Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things;
    and give me life in your ways.
³⁸  Confirm to your servant your promise,
     that you may be feared.
³⁹ Turn away the reproach that I dread,
    for your rules are good.
⁴⁰ Behold, I long for your precepts;
     in your righteousness give me life!

⁶⁷  Before I was afflicted I went astray,
    but now I keep your word.
⁶⁸  You are good and do good;
     teach me your statutes.

⁷¹ It is good for me that I was afflicted,
    that I might learn your statutes.

⁷⁵ I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous,
    and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
⁷⁶ Let your steadfast love comfort me...

Kite-flying postponed to Sunday 12 August

Ok slight change of plan...we decided to move Tabitha's birthday celebrations out to next Sunday the 12th of August, because then my parents are in town and then they can also join in. So we'll be at the same place at Emmarentia Dam on Sunday 12 August from around 12h00. 

Thanks to everybody far away that said they're also going to fly kites to remember Tabitha. I think its a great excuse to have some fun as a family! Enjoy and take lots of pictures, then I can post them all on the blog here!!! And of course if you want to do it this Sunday feel free! We're just postponing ours for practical reasons.