A few weeks ago I was given the opportunity to share my testimony at a ladies meeting at church. I thought I will post it here too, as it is a nice summary of our experiences over the last few years and a good reminder of our great God and His providence and grace. Thank you for taking the time to read this!
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I have been given the opportunity to share a little bit
about God’s grace in my life through hardship and trials. Suffering is part of
life – a result of Genesis 3, the fall, and inevitable while we are here on
earth. The question is not if you will suffer, but when you will suffer. This may seem really depressing to some
– but we as Christians can know that God is sovereign over everything and that
He has a specific purpose with every trial we may face. Rom 8:28 famously says, "God makes everything work together for the good of those who love Him, and are
called according to His purposes." I have seen this first hand in my own life,
as I will share just now. We can know that nothing happens outside of His
purposes. Nothing that happens can frustrate his purposes. He is God! His love,
power and wisdom all work together perfectly at the same time in our lives.
When suffering comes, we can know that God is at work. If we
want to uproot a tree from the ground, we first need to loosen the soil from
around its roots. Just like that, God digs away our earthly comforts to loosen
our hearts from this world. Trials help us to cling to God. It helps us to see
far beyond this fleeting earthly existence and gain an eternal
perspective. It also helps us not
to rely on our own wisdom, ability and strength, but to trust Him.
I am sure that many of you have suffered much worse and
endured more than me – but my prayer is that what God has so graciously taught
me will be a reminder and encouragement to you. In 2011 my husband and I had
our first baby girl, Tabitha. Although the pregnancy was initially easy and
healthy, at 30 weeks I suddenly developed pre-eclampsia (hormone-induced high
blood pressure) and in order to save me and the baby’s life, she had to be
removed immediately via c-section. Unfortunately she had already suffered from
a lack of oxygen by the time she was born, but she held on to life for almost 2
months in the NICU, before she passed away. The hospital experience was a
rollercoaster ride with new discoveries about her condition hitting us like a
ton of bricks every time, mixed with glimpses of hope. We believed she would
live, until 2 days before her death, when God, in His fatherly care, started
preparing our hearts for what was to come. Throughout this experience, we could
see God’s hand at work, orchestrating events and giving us supernatural
strength and peace. Nevertheless, this was a very difficult time for us, but
the 3 years which followed proved even harder, as we prayed, longed and hoped
for another child. During that time I suffered a miscarriage, followed by a
heart attack in hospital, and then what seemed to be an endless time of
unexplained infertility. I want to elaborate on this story a bit to highlight
God’s providence even when it feels like He doesn’t hear us.
The heart attack happened because of an overdose of
medication given to me just before the D&C operation when I had the
miscarriage. My heart sustained some damage and after 6 months of being treated
for it, the doctor declared my heart healthy and fit to try for another baby.
But, nothing happened. God seemed to by silent for 2 more years, which felt
like 10. Eventually, we started pursuing adoption. During this time we also
sought medical help for my unexplained infertility. We were just about to
finalise the adoption process to be approved as prospective parents, when I
fell pregnant. I was not even 6 weeks yet and the appointment for the final
interview with the social worker had already been made for the Friday. So we
went through with it, thinking that we will ask the social worker to put the
adoption on hold for a while, should the doctor confirm that everything is fine
with the pregnancy – the doctor’s appointment was on the Tuesday. As we drove
home from the interview, we jokingly wondered what we would do if they had a
baby for us before the Tuesday. It seemed like an impossibility, as adoptions
can take a long time. Low and behold, on that Sunday we got the phonecall!
The birthmother had chosen our profile from the list of prospective parents and
she was already 40 weeks. The baby could be born any minute! We didn’t even
have time to think this through properly! After a short period of what I would
describe as a mild panic attack, we prayed and just knew that this baby was God
sent. We just trusted the Lord that everything will work out. A week later our
little Yadah was born, and on request of the birthmother she was sent home with
us the same day. Three days later my husband heard that he got a job that he
had applied for months earlier here in George, and within a month we had sold
our house and moved down here from Johannesburg. In hindsight I can see how we
had to be in Johannesburg during that time for both the adoption and fertility
treatment, and how moving here and being close to family was pure grace with
the two babies so close together. Also, last year I found out that I did sustain permanent
damage to my heart and that I’m not allowed to fall pregnant again. Had the
doctor in Johannesburg not made the mistake to tell me that everything is ok
with my heart, I would not have had Benjamin. And again I can just thank God
that the pregnancy with him did work out ok and that my heart was able to cope,
as I didn’t know at the time that I only have 32% heart function.
When I look back now I can see how God didn’t just leave me
to figure things out on my own, but that he came alongside me and directed my
every step, even in the time leading up to this series of events in my life (I
suddenly had a newfound hunger for God’s Word), to teach me what I needed to
know about Him. Because that’s ultimately what we need – we need to KNOW HIM.
His character and attributes are the foundation for our faith. We cannot trust
someone if we don’t know who He is. Job, after questioning God about the reason
for his suffering were not answered as to WHY? But as to WHO? God simply opened
Job’s eyes to see the Almighty God for who He is (chapters 38-40). In chapter
42, Job concludes to say, “I had heard about you by the hearing of the ear, but
now my eye sees you.”
In Exodus 33 Moses asked God to show him His glory. When God
answered Moses’ prayer in chapter 34, he speaks again of His own attributes.
“The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding
in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands,
forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear
the guilty…”(v6-7).
During my trails, God specifically taught me a lot about His
steadfast love, his goodness, his infinite wisdom, abounding faithfulness and
sovereignty. If you are going to remember anything during your trails, remember
this – God is not only in control, He is also good and perfect in love and
wisdom. His faithfulness endures forever. If you believe this, your heart can
rest! It will give you stability and peace and help you to see things from the
right perspective and to pray in submission to His will. Your life becomes less
precious to you.
Collosians 3 says, “Set your minds on the things that are above, not
on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with
Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear
with him in glory.”
As I die, Christ becomes everything – our only rock and sure
hope when our earthly dreams crumble beneath our feet. You realise that even if
the worst disaster imaginable strikes you – it won’t be nice, but you can know
that God will sustain you through it and that Christ, your most precious
possession, can never be taken away from you. I have a heavenly inheritance, I
have assurance of salvation!
One day God himself will wipe away every tear, and death
shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, for
the former things have passed away (Rev 21:4).
I can say with Paul, “I am sorrowful, yet always rejoicing,
I have nothing, yet I possess everything!” (2 Cor 6:10) These things make no
sense to the world. Cheap sentimental clichés I found empty and powerless to
provide any comfort. But God, by His grace, through His word, made real to me
what it is to have a living hope.
Jeremiah says “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have
hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an
end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my
portion, says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.’”(Lam 3:21-24).
This school of suffering is not something that we, in our
humanity and limited earthly perspective will wish upon ourselves or others.
But looking back over the past 6 years, I count myself blessed that God, by His
grace, considered me worthy to teach me about Him and conform me to His image
more and more. He is not an impersonal force, but our Father, who is personally
involved in every aspect of our lives, and we can trust Him.
Joni Ericson Tada wrote, “Grace softens the edges of past
pains, choosing only the highlights of eternal importance. What you are left
with is peace that is profound, joy that is unshakable, and faith that is
ironclad."
Through my tears and pain I soon was able to see a glimpse
of God’s gracious work in my life on a spiritual level. It is a gift that I
prayed for many times, but didn’t realise what I was asking. (“Lord, help me to
grow in holiness and to know you more!”). It is not something I will trade for
anything in the world. God opened my eyes to know Him more and to see things
from an eternal perspective. Without an
eternal perspective, suffering does not make any sense. I do not believe
that I would truly have been able to learn what an eternal perspective is,
without experiencing personal pain.
I can now relate with Peter, “In this you greatly rejoice,
even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by
various trails, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold,
which is perishable even though tested by fire, may be found to result in
praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus.” (1 Pet 1:6)
The writer of Hebrews says in Heb 12, “All discipline for
the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been
trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
James says “to count it all joy when you meet trails of
various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces
steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be
perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”
Suffering comes in many forms. Some have ‘happy endings’.
Like mine. I would not have predicted being blessed with 2 babies, one through
adoption and one through biological means, within the period of 7 months. However, some trials do not have a happy
ending. And some trials will only end when we enter the grave. God does not have to restore everything we
loose in this life. He will do according to His will, as He knows best. And
if he does restore our losses, it’s not because we’ve earned it. Its all by
grace. Our paths are all different, but take comfort in this – His grace is
sufficient. He is not only sovereign over our suffering, He is also our
comforter, peace and joy. Did I say joy in suffering? Yes. Biblical joy only
makes sense when it is despite of circumstances, not because of it! As we
suffer well, we are conformed to the image of Christ. And we are not alone.
Christ himself was “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” (Is 53:3)
Whatever the cross that you have to carry may be, the answer
to handling trails lies in the gospel. Again, how gracious is our God, to teach
me through my trials what this statement actually means. We tend to hate our misery more than our sin. But God knows that
sin, not our relationships, finances, sickness, lack or discomforts, is in fact
our biggest problem. And He will use temporary pain for our eternal gain. The
gospel teaches us that we have already received so much more than what we
deserve. Whatever our suffering may be, hell will be much worse. When you
suffer, remember hell – what you have been saved from - and remember the depravity of your own
heart without the saving grace of Jesus. Jesus endured much more than any of
us, and by grace, through faith, we have been “born again to a living hope…to
obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled, and will not fade
away, reserved in heaven for us” (1 Pet 1:3-4).
The gospel not only gives us something to look forward to,
but also the grace we need to live this life - with its challenges,
difficulties, pain, losses, heartache and suffering -to His glory, through His
grace that enables us. All we have to do
is to cling to Him!
As the old hymn goes, my heart also echoes, “And the things
of the earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and
grace.”
Here are a few recent photos of our two little blessings. xxx
Here are a few recent photos of our two little blessings. xxx
